postpartum 2020
In 2018, The American College of Obstetrics + Gynecology wrote a position paper on the failing system of postpartum care in the US, and detailed solutions to improve it. There was already a big sense of isolation, feeling forgotten about, and lack of support offered to postpartum families. This year, has done the unimaginable my making postpartum isolation and depletion that much worse. Birthing people, just like the rest of the population, have been forced to isolate during a time that might otherwise be joyous, celebratory, and full of gatherings with family and friends. One mother said, “I just miss people being kind to me like during my other pregnancies.” Birthing in the hospitals has dramatically changed. Face masks on a birther in active labor, being treated as an infected person until your COVID test comes back, and staying only 24 hours for in-patient postpartum care may sound like common sense in these circumstances, but trust me, these experience leave a last affect on people mentally and emotionally.
Then there is postpartum. Just like every thing else, there are people who can thrive in isolation with their family and a new baby. Privileges including financial resources, family living in close proximity, and healthy relationships between parents/caregivers make this experience possible. However, for the majority of new parents, it is a major struggle. Who can I trust to hold my baby? Who can I let in the house? Who can help us with childcare for the older siblings? When can I see my friends again? What rules can I enforce?
This is your gentle reminder that it’s not you. It’s not your baby. It’s not even motherhood. It is the utter lack of physical support available to birthing people and families during this pandemic. The fear of the virus, and what that means for the health of our families has emptied the moms groups, cut out the hugs we so desperately need, and eliminated how we show up for each other as a village. Results of preliminary research published in the Journal of Perinatal Medicine shows a “marked increase in depressive symptoms during COVID-19 pandemic among pregnant and puerperal individuals [first six weeks postpartum].” While another published in Psychiatry Research shows that women birthing during the pandemic a 2-4 times more like to “score above the clinical threshold for mental health symptoms.” All studies recommend immediate intervention with this population.
Here are some ways you can prepare, assist, or support yourself or another parent birthing during this pandemic:
1) Have an honest conversation about mental health with your family prior to your birth. Chat about the symptoms to watch for, and tell them how they can check in with you. “Ask me how I’m feeling.” “Please be mindful to check on me, and not just my baby.” “Send me music, movies, books, food, etc that you know I love.” Postpartum Support International is an amazing resource for this conversation, and understand Perinatal Mood Disorders.
2) Find your local mental health professional that specializes in perinatal mood disorders. Make an appointment prior to birth to check in. Put their number on your fridge and your postpartum plan so anyone in your household can contact and make an appointment for you.
3) Set up a FaceTime date train. Yep, just like setting up meals, we need to set up dates with our friends and family. If we’re not seeing people in person, we need to see them virtually. Believe me, it will help to feel like your sitting with friends talking about fun memories, seeing their mannerisms and body language. Decide on a day and time of the week you might be up for “company,” send out the dates that are available and ask them to sign up for a time. May sound like a lot, but you’ll appreciate the ease when your sleep deprived.
4) Hang out with people you feel safe with. Physical interaction with other parents will always be healing for us, especially when they are in the same space of parenting as you. There is a deep sense of grounding that comes from hearing another mother say that she’s struggling with the same things you are struggling with. Same goes for victories. I remember one day, a new mom did her first yoga session at the studio, and didn’t get much movement in because her baby needed her. But at the end of class she said, “It just feels so good to be a room full of other moms with dark circles under their eyes.”
5) Create space to allow physical touch. Whether its from hugs, massage, or just being held by a loved one, our nervous system needs and responds to physical touch by lowering blood pressure, turning down the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight), and turning on the parasympathetic nervous system (rest + digest).
Meraki Mama Collective was built with the mission to reduce the isolation among postpartum parents. Stay tuned for small groups opening back up as we continue to navigate our whole health. Until then, this is your gentle reminder that you’re doing a beautiful job and we see you!